NY Shadchanta

Those of you who have been more or less been following this blog will have noticed that besides for having European spelling (well I DO live there), although I make little secret of the fact that I am still single I have never posted about shidduchim and my experiences on that front. For most part I feel that there are plenty bloggers out there who have devoted themselves to this topic and it that would be v.hard to beat them and because there is just so much more to my life than 'that subject'.

Well, after a recent experience at the hands of a shadchanta in NY I'd like to throw a couple of questions out there - what is the weirdest question you have been asked? Are NY shadchanim more materialist than those in other parts of the world?

To set the record, I had never heard of this woman until she rang the place where I was staying in Brooklyn and said that she knew all about me and had heard such a lot and wanted to meet with me and I must fit her into my schedule. I asked her where she got my name and number from but she refused to say. After much arranging, cancelling and rearranging I finally found an evening that suited her and I just cancelled my plans and set off on a 45 min bus trek with just a torn piece of paper containing her address and directions, 'get off the bus, walk a bit, go around the corner and it's opposite the fish shop'. Needless to say I saw no fish shop and had to ask for directions (least I'm not a male!)

Knock knock, come in, take a seat. (Btw I whenever I hear that I always want to respond by asking where they want me to take it to but I held my tongue and behaved!)

Shad: I want you to make a brocha in my house, can I get you something to eat and drink?

Me: (I'd love some fried fish and fries and a chocolate milkshake, oh and put vanilla ice-cream in the shake - it adds to the flavour...Ok, JK ) No it's ok I am fine thank you (me blushing politely)

Shad: I insist (she is still sitting and the table is still empty) I always say one must make a brocha in my house.

Me: Ok, a glass of water would be fine

Shad: Why do you want water?

Me: (I want to put out the fire) I like it

Shad: But I only have soda water, you must drink that.

Me: Uh, I dont really like it, tap water is fine

Shad: What you don't like it? Who doesn't like it? Are you going to tell everyone I gave you tap water? It's only that I have run out of bottled water.

Me: Tap water is really fine thank you.

Fusses around brings water...brocha...says amen

Shad: Ok I like to begin with finding out the basic info. Name....Age...Address

Me: Name ...Age... Address

Shad: Oh but don't you live in xyz?

Me: No

Shad: Ah, but you don't live with your parents?

Me: I do

Shad: Even at your age?

Me: Yes, why not?

Shad: Oh, Ok, parents names..sibling...machatonim...chassidus...schools...shul daven....father's parnosah

Me:....and said father's parnossah

Shad: Oh but doesn't he do xyz?

Me: No, he never did. Really though, how did you get my name and info (she had said on the phone that she knew ALL about me but everything I said was either new or contrary to what she had somehow heard)?

Shad: I can't tell you but tell me, do you always wear your hair this length? You don't ever wear ot shorter do you? (Horror in the voice)

Me: It's usually about this length.

Shad: Would you consider growing it longer?

Me: Well this length kind of suits me and I would not wear a long sheital.

Shad: Oh phew so you do intend to cover after you get married.

Me: Er, sorry, do you mean with a hat - no, I wouldn't not. (We had been speaking about Chassidish levush earlier so wasn't sure what she thought)

Shad: So how much hair would you have sticking out

Me: None

Shad: Ah so you will wear a shaitel

Me: (Very confused - hadn't I said it earlier)

25 more min of irrelevant questions

Shad: Ok so here are some suggestions I think are suitable, can I arrange for you to go out tomorrow?

Me: Sorry but these names are not really suitable and they have been suggested

Shad: How about this - produces new name and gives me a summery.

Me: Ok, can I take the details and speak to my parents?

Shad: You ask your parents at your age?

Me: Yes, they are still my parents and deserve basic respect and in addition in my circle it goes through the parents.

Shad: But you are already --?

Me: Yes but I would still not consider dating without informing my parents.

Shad: Ok I will speak to your parents directly but personally I think that you are too proper for any American boy.

Me: (should I have apologized?) Thank you very much

On way out...

Shad: Do people in (where I live) all wear shoes like that?

Me: We each tend to wear what is most comfortable for us

Shad: Ok, I will call your parents, it was so nice to meet you but I must tell you I am very busy.

Needless to say...she never called!

To My Dear Friend

I had a very different type of post planned to put up to today, it was all ready, the words, font, layout, I could picture the whole thing in my mind and then I got a call. You decided that I deserved the zechus of taking challah with a bracha and was passing your opportunity onto me as you knew that I was not planning on making challah. Now that might seem nice but it wasnt just that, you live about 40 minute drive away and as I was not able to come out to you, you drove all the way to me (a 1.5 hour round trip in all!) I haven't forgotten that you are also b''h the mother of a quite a large family and this is on one of the busiest Friday's of the year...but you really wanted to and one can always find time for that which we really want (so you told me). You brought along the special Yehei Rotzon to say and all your ready-made dough and left me with a small bowl of dough and instructions so that I too could make a 'shlissel challah'. I told you that it wasn't necessary but you said that you wanted my house to smell nice too. You went home and did your challah and continously rang me to make sure that everything was going ok.

My dear friend, the way you spoke and behaved, it really wasn't a big deal to you, you never at any time made me feel that you where going out your way for me but I want you to know that although you will never read this tribute to yourself, you did something very special today and gave me a gift worth much more than that of the challah. You helped me to feel whole.

When kids came knocking...

As my parents are well past the child-bearing stage my house is quite adult orientated. We eat late and sort of lead our own lives while all living under the same roof, there is generally not much noise and things tend to stay just where u left them and the place is orderly. We don't have to be quiet in the evenings and we definitely don't do early mornings. We just...well sorta...live! We've had the married ones with their kids over loads of times for different yomim toivim and odd shabbosos but unless they have come alone for a shabbos treat, their parents are usually in tow. One unwritten rule in this house is you look after your kids and we will worry about the tidying and the rest of the place, simple and it works, but what happens when the kids come and their parents are not in tow and it is not just for a shabbos?? We (adults in my house) have had the pleasure of hosting some of the kids without their parents...and gosh it is hard work. What was once a sort of quiet house is now filled with incessant chatter, questions, whining and moods. Dont get me wrong, I love the kids, really I do but I'm so so tired, by the time I am putting them to bed I am fit for bed myself. So question for all you dear readers, where do parents shop for energy and where can I get hold of some?

Yours,

Miss very tired!

Snakes and ladders

It was just a game
I played when young
It was just a game
That I thought was fun

It was just a game
No more than that
It was just a game
I liked to win

And..

In this game
There are many 'ups'
In this game
There are just as many 'downs'

In this game
You use your skill and wit
In this game
You avoid all snakes

As...

Throughout this game
You get nervous as you rise
Throughout this game
There is a possibility to fall

Throughout this game
There are 2 or more players
Throughout this game
There is only one winner

But...

It's not just a game
Of forwards and backwards
Its not just a game
Ruled by a dice

It's not just a game
As I now see depth
It's not just a game
Its the story of life

However...

Unlike this game
Your life is no competition
Unlike this game
Each 'snake' is unique

Unlike this game
You have more control
Unlike this game
Everyone can win

Pre-pesach Reflections

Cleaning gives one a lot of time to think, reflect how the last months have been and plan the dreams of the future. It has been a very rough last year for a number of reasons but as I am cleaning I am finally feeling hopeful, not that what has plaguing me these last months will disappear but rather that despite what I believe, what is happening, where I am, I will get through it and He will help just as soon as I turn to Him. Reading the blogs of others has also helped and I am working on trying to put things into perspectives. Their nisyonos are not mine and are not meant to be but it is inspiring to see how despite struggling you are all unwilling to give up. So thank you all those who have shared your life online with many of its usually unseen details, those who have commented on my blog and encourage me to plod on and the special few who have given me something that is incredibly valuable but they shared it anyway - their time. I know that there will be many more ups and downs to come but I have hope that it will be 2 steps forward and one step back and not vice versa.

I know it seems that this is a good bye but its not - I'm not leaving....just reflecting :)

Purim reflections

It is no secret that many of those who were financially rich have lost money this year. It is no secret that those who were not well off previously are struggling more than ever. It is no secret that all local and international charities are dredging the last few coins from their coffers...which made the following scene all the more heart warming.

Along one long road within a predominately Jewish area every 50-100 feet there were a group of dressed up children and teenagers tentatively stopping cars. Each held a pushka or bucket of a different style and color collecting whatever coins were dropped in. And this is how these youngsters spent their day, for hours they stood there, children from all spectrum of the Jewish community, who would not even acknowledge to each other is the street, some may even ridicule the others, but shoulder to shoulder they stood, each determined to do their share, with a smile on their face and a thank you on their lips. And what made this picture even more precious was that each Yiddishe car driver stopped at EACH group and gave something to a few of those collecting, note that they had been stopped just a moment before and probably a moment before that too (there were I think about 6 groups along that road - on both sides of the road!). The drivers weren't getting irate as they usually would, there were very few honking of the horns at this slow movement of traffic but rather, each stretched out their hand to give and gave with a smile.

Yes, money may be tight, but it's not what you give but how you give!

Mi K'amcha Yisroel

Spring holiday

In many ways it has been a hard and long winter. Reflecting from outwards in, the state of the current economic crisis, the wars and terror attacks within the Jewish world, the suffering and high amount of deaths from unnatural causes within my community, have all added to the general slump of spirits. Within my own tiny world, I have lost count of the number of communications which were 'down' ones. Whereas a weekly shot of inspiration was once enough now it is needed twice daily, friends around me are gripping tightly to the edge of their world and feeling like the earth under them is moving and the level of sadness is rising. No, I am not exempt, I too have felt the whirlwind, I too have struggled.

After hearing a particular piece of sad news today I was staring out the window watching the thick grey clouds press down out the world, matching my mood and those of many others, when I saw it, I saw the first blossoms, those tiny white petals that speak of growth, renewal and a reminder that the sun will shine again. A remainder that the sadness would be lifted, the pain of loss would lessen, the world will continue and somehow it will all be alright in the end. Therefore I would like to put forward a proposal for a special spring holiday, a day in which work would be banned and a day where living in the outdoors would be compulsory, a day in which we should renew ourselves through observing beauty and growth around us and a day to just be at one with the natural world!

Going too fast

Someone forwarded this to me and it really made an impact. A strong enough impact that I wanted to share it!


THE BRICK

A young and successful executive was traveling down a neighborhood street, going a bit too fast in his new Jaguar. He was watching for kids darting out from between parked cars and slowed down when he thought he saw something. As his car passed, no children appeared. Instead, a brick smashed into the Jag's side door!

He slammed on the brakes and backed the Jag back to the spot where the brick had been thrown. The angry driver then jumped out of the car, grabbed the nearest kid and pushed him up against a parked car shouting, 'What was that all about and who are you? Just what the heck are you doing? That's a new car and that brick you threw is going to cost a lot of money. Why did you do it?'

The young boy was apologetic. 'Please, mister...please, I'm sorry but I didn't know what else to do,' He pleaded. 'I threw the brick because no one else would stop...' With tears dripping down his face and off his chin, the youth pointed to a spot just around a parked car. 'It's my brother, 'he said 'He rolled off the curb and fell out of his wheelchair and I can't lift him up.'

Now sobbing, the boy asked the stunned executive, 'Would you please help me get him back into his wheelchair? He's hurt and he's too heavy for me.' Moved beyond words, the driver tried to swallow the rapidly swelling lump in his throat.. He hurriedly lifted the handicapped boy back into the wheelchair, then took out a linen handkerchief and dabbed at the fresh scrapes and cuts. A quick look told him everything was going to be okay.

'Thank you and may God bless you,' the grateful child told the stranger. Too shook up for words, the man simply watched the boy! push his wheelchair-bound brother down the sidewalk toward their home. It was a long, slow walk back to the Jaguar.

The damage was very noticeable, but the driver never bothered to repair the dented side door. He kept the dent there to remind him of this message: 'Don't go through life so fast that someone has to throw a brick at you to get your attention!'

God whispers in our souls and speaks to our hearts. Sometimes when we don't have time to listen, He has to throw a brick at us. It's our choice to listen or not.

Morning

Its the morning after a long night.
A night of unrest,
A night of questions,
A night of confusion,
A night of uncertainty,
A night until sunrise.


Tomorrow has began...today!
A day of surprises,
A day of hope,
A day to conquer,
A day to try again,
A day to reshape until tomorrow.

The joy of freedom

No words can describe nor structured learning compete with the unbridled happiness of a group of girls, with boulders on their shoulders, finally let go of their multiple inhibitions and enjoy the energetic give and take of...

a full blown snow ball fight.