NY Shadchanta

Those of you who have been more or less been following this blog will have noticed that besides for having European spelling (well I DO live there), although I make little secret of the fact that I am still single I have never posted about shidduchim and my experiences on that front. For most part I feel that there are plenty bloggers out there who have devoted themselves to this topic and it that would be v.hard to beat them and because there is just so much more to my life than 'that subject'.

Well, after a recent experience at the hands of a shadchanta in NY I'd like to throw a couple of questions out there - what is the weirdest question you have been asked? Are NY shadchanim more materialist than those in other parts of the world?

To set the record, I had never heard of this woman until she rang the place where I was staying in Brooklyn and said that she knew all about me and had heard such a lot and wanted to meet with me and I must fit her into my schedule. I asked her where she got my name and number from but she refused to say. After much arranging, cancelling and rearranging I finally found an evening that suited her and I just cancelled my plans and set off on a 45 min bus trek with just a torn piece of paper containing her address and directions, 'get off the bus, walk a bit, go around the corner and it's opposite the fish shop'. Needless to say I saw no fish shop and had to ask for directions (least I'm not a male!)

Knock knock, come in, take a seat. (Btw I whenever I hear that I always want to respond by asking where they want me to take it to but I held my tongue and behaved!)

Shad: I want you to make a brocha in my house, can I get you something to eat and drink?

Me: (I'd love some fried fish and fries and a chocolate milkshake, oh and put vanilla ice-cream in the shake - it adds to the flavour...Ok, JK ) No it's ok I am fine thank you (me blushing politely)

Shad: I insist (she is still sitting and the table is still empty) I always say one must make a brocha in my house.

Me: Ok, a glass of water would be fine

Shad: Why do you want water?

Me: (I want to put out the fire) I like it

Shad: But I only have soda water, you must drink that.

Me: Uh, I dont really like it, tap water is fine

Shad: What you don't like it? Who doesn't like it? Are you going to tell everyone I gave you tap water? It's only that I have run out of bottled water.

Me: Tap water is really fine thank you.

Fusses around brings water...brocha...says amen

Shad: Ok I like to begin with finding out the basic info. Name....Age...Address

Me: Name ...Age... Address

Shad: Oh but don't you live in xyz?

Me: No

Shad: Ah, but you don't live with your parents?

Me: I do

Shad: Even at your age?

Me: Yes, why not?

Shad: Oh, Ok, parents names..sibling...machatonim...chassidus...schools...shul daven....father's parnosah

Me:....and said father's parnossah

Shad: Oh but doesn't he do xyz?

Me: No, he never did. Really though, how did you get my name and info (she had said on the phone that she knew ALL about me but everything I said was either new or contrary to what she had somehow heard)?

Shad: I can't tell you but tell me, do you always wear your hair this length? You don't ever wear ot shorter do you? (Horror in the voice)

Me: It's usually about this length.

Shad: Would you consider growing it longer?

Me: Well this length kind of suits me and I would not wear a long sheital.

Shad: Oh phew so you do intend to cover after you get married.

Me: Er, sorry, do you mean with a hat - no, I wouldn't not. (We had been speaking about Chassidish levush earlier so wasn't sure what she thought)

Shad: So how much hair would you have sticking out

Me: None

Shad: Ah so you will wear a shaitel

Me: (Very confused - hadn't I said it earlier)

25 more min of irrelevant questions

Shad: Ok so here are some suggestions I think are suitable, can I arrange for you to go out tomorrow?

Me: Sorry but these names are not really suitable and they have been suggested

Shad: How about this - produces new name and gives me a summery.

Me: Ok, can I take the details and speak to my parents?

Shad: You ask your parents at your age?

Me: Yes, they are still my parents and deserve basic respect and in addition in my circle it goes through the parents.

Shad: But you are already --?

Me: Yes but I would still not consider dating without informing my parents.

Shad: Ok I will speak to your parents directly but personally I think that you are too proper for any American boy.

Me: (should I have apologized?) Thank you very much

On way out...

Shad: Do people in (where I live) all wear shoes like that?

Me: We each tend to wear what is most comfortable for us

Shad: Ok, I will call your parents, it was so nice to meet you but I must tell you I am very busy.

Needless to say...she never called!

To My Dear Friend

I had a very different type of post planned to put up to today, it was all ready, the words, font, layout, I could picture the whole thing in my mind and then I got a call. You decided that I deserved the zechus of taking challah with a bracha and was passing your opportunity onto me as you knew that I was not planning on making challah. Now that might seem nice but it wasnt just that, you live about 40 minute drive away and as I was not able to come out to you, you drove all the way to me (a 1.5 hour round trip in all!) I haven't forgotten that you are also b''h the mother of a quite a large family and this is on one of the busiest Friday's of the year...but you really wanted to and one can always find time for that which we really want (so you told me). You brought along the special Yehei Rotzon to say and all your ready-made dough and left me with a small bowl of dough and instructions so that I too could make a 'shlissel challah'. I told you that it wasn't necessary but you said that you wanted my house to smell nice too. You went home and did your challah and continously rang me to make sure that everything was going ok.

My dear friend, the way you spoke and behaved, it really wasn't a big deal to you, you never at any time made me feel that you where going out your way for me but I want you to know that although you will never read this tribute to yourself, you did something very special today and gave me a gift worth much more than that of the challah. You helped me to feel whole.

When kids came knocking...

As my parents are well past the child-bearing stage my house is quite adult orientated. We eat late and sort of lead our own lives while all living under the same roof, there is generally not much noise and things tend to stay just where u left them and the place is orderly. We don't have to be quiet in the evenings and we definitely don't do early mornings. We just...well sorta...live! We've had the married ones with their kids over loads of times for different yomim toivim and odd shabbosos but unless they have come alone for a shabbos treat, their parents are usually in tow. One unwritten rule in this house is you look after your kids and we will worry about the tidying and the rest of the place, simple and it works, but what happens when the kids come and their parents are not in tow and it is not just for a shabbos?? We (adults in my house) have had the pleasure of hosting some of the kids without their parents...and gosh it is hard work. What was once a sort of quiet house is now filled with incessant chatter, questions, whining and moods. Dont get me wrong, I love the kids, really I do but I'm so so tired, by the time I am putting them to bed I am fit for bed myself. So question for all you dear readers, where do parents shop for energy and where can I get hold of some?

Yours,

Miss very tired!