Sunday, 26 April 2009

NY Shadchanta

Those of you who have been more or less been following this blog will have noticed that besides for having European spelling (well I DO live there), although I make little secret of the fact that I am still single I have never posted about shidduchim and my experiences on that front. For most part I feel that there are plenty bloggers out there who have devoted themselves to this topic and it that would be v.hard to beat them and because there is just so much more to my life than 'that subject'.

Well, after a recent experience at the hands of a shadchanta in NY I'd like to throw a couple of questions out there - what is the weirdest question you have been asked? Are NY shadchanim more materialist than those in other parts of the world?

To set the record, I had never heard of this woman until she rang the place where I was staying in Brooklyn and said that she knew all about me and had heard such a lot and wanted to meet with me and I must fit her into my schedule. I asked her where she got my name and number from but she refused to say. After much arranging, cancelling and rearranging I finally found an evening that suited her and I just cancelled my plans and set off on a 45 min bus trek with just a torn piece of paper containing her address and directions, 'get off the bus, walk a bit, go around the corner and it's opposite the fish shop'. Needless to say I saw no fish shop and had to ask for directions (least I'm not a male!)

Knock knock, come in, take a seat. (Btw I whenever I hear that I always want to respond by asking where they want me to take it to but I held my tongue and behaved!)

Shad: I want you to make a brocha in my house, can I get you something to eat and drink?

Me: (I'd love some fried fish and fries and a chocolate milkshake, oh and put vanilla ice-cream in the shake - it adds to the flavour...Ok, JK ) No it's ok I am fine thank you (me blushing politely)

Shad: I insist (she is still sitting and the table is still empty) I always say one must make a brocha in my house.

Me: Ok, a glass of water would be fine

Shad: Why do you want water?

Me: (I want to put out the fire) I like it

Shad: But I only have soda water, you must drink that.

Me: Uh, I dont really like it, tap water is fine

Shad: What you don't like it? Who doesn't like it? Are you going to tell everyone I gave you tap water? It's only that I have run out of bottled water.

Me: Tap water is really fine thank you.

Fusses around brings water...brocha...says amen

Shad: Ok I like to begin with finding out the basic info. Name....Age...Address

Me: Name ...Age... Address

Shad: Oh but don't you live in xyz?

Me: No

Shad: Ah, but you don't live with your parents?

Me: I do

Shad: Even at your age?

Me: Yes, why not?

Shad: Oh, Ok, parents names..sibling...machatonim...chassidus...schools...shul daven....father's parnosah

Me:....and said father's parnossah

Shad: Oh but doesn't he do xyz?

Me: No, he never did. Really though, how did you get my name and info (she had said on the phone that she knew ALL about me but everything I said was either new or contrary to what she had somehow heard)?

Shad: I can't tell you but tell me, do you always wear your hair this length? You don't ever wear ot shorter do you? (Horror in the voice)

Me: It's usually about this length.

Shad: Would you consider growing it longer?

Me: Well this length kind of suits me and I would not wear a long sheital.

Shad: Oh phew so you do intend to cover after you get married.

Me: Er, sorry, do you mean with a hat - no, I wouldn't not. (We had been speaking about Chassidish levush earlier so wasn't sure what she thought)

Shad: So how much hair would you have sticking out

Me: None

Shad: Ah so you will wear a shaitel

Me: (Very confused - hadn't I said it earlier)

25 more min of irrelevant questions

Shad: Ok so here are some suggestions I think are suitable, can I arrange for you to go out tomorrow?

Me: Sorry but these names are not really suitable and they have been suggested

Shad: How about this - produces new name and gives me a summery.

Me: Ok, can I take the details and speak to my parents?

Shad: You ask your parents at your age?

Me: Yes, they are still my parents and deserve basic respect and in addition in my circle it goes through the parents.

Shad: But you are already --?

Me: Yes but I would still not consider dating without informing my parents.

Shad: Ok I will speak to your parents directly but personally I think that you are too proper for any American boy.

Me: (should I have apologized?) Thank you very much

On way out...

Shad: Do people in (where I live) all wear shoes like that?

Me: We each tend to wear what is most comfortable for us

Shad: Ok, I will call your parents, it was so nice to meet you but I must tell you I am very busy.

Needless to say...she never called!


Lvnsm27 said...

sorry about your experience

May you have a better one soon

Anonymous said...

You're better off without that kind of interfering nonsense!
If the shadchanta was really interested in you, it would have been clear from her questions.
Good luck!

halfshared said...

Oh my G-d. Most shadchanim are not that patronizing. I haven't been to one in years but I've never had as funny an experience as you (I'm sorry, I know it must've been unpleasant for you but it was funny reading about it). I commend you for sitting through it without giving her a taste of her medicine.
As far as the funniest question asked, I don't remember any weird questions but one mother of a boy asked the shadchan why I was still single (at the ripe old age of 22!).

Floating Reflections said...

Lvsm27: Amen although it wasn't too bad just weird.

Anon: That was the funny thing, it was her chasing me for a few days before we got to talk and even on the phone she said that she knew all about me but after 2 min it was so obviously not true.

P.S. Great that I have a reader in London...I'll smile to you on the street, well I smile to most ppl so I'm sure you'll get one too :)

HS: Luckily I have a great sense of humour as I came out of her apartment pretty amused. It really was comical and her presumptions were so way off that they weren't even insulting. I think the funniest comments were about my hair (for the record it is stops just above my shoulder) and that I am too proper for any American boy. Ah well - their loss ;)

Something Different said...

Oh my. Some of us are better than that!! ;)

Bas~Melech said...

LOL That is such a caricature! I mean I always suspected people like that might possibly actually exist but...

Floating Reflections said...

SD: Not sure about your use of the word 'us' - you a shadchanta? ;)

BM: I couldn't have made it up if I tried, yep they really do exist..and they walk among us!

Something Different said...

FR- oh gosh no. I meant New Yorkers. Believe it or not, some of us have manners, some of us are even quite proper... :-)

Floating Reflections said...

LOL. I believe you. Dated some nice NYers :)

Scraps said...

And this, my friend, is why I vastly prefer being set up by friends who already know me and don't think I'm a freak.