Those of you who have been more or less been following this blog will have noticed that besides for having European spelling (well I DO live there), although I make little secret of the fact that I am still single I have never posted about shidduchim and my experiences on that front. For most part I feel that there are plenty bloggers out there who have devoted themselves to this topic and it that would be v.hard to beat them and because there is just so much more to my life than 'that subject'.
Well, after a recent experience at the hands of a shadchanta in NY I'd like to throw a couple of questions out there - what is the weirdest question you have been asked? Are NY shadchanim more materialist than those in other parts of the world?
To set the record, I had never heard of this woman until she rang the place where I was staying in Brooklyn and said that she knew all about me and had heard such a lot and wanted to meet with me and I must fit her into my schedule. I asked her where she got my name and number from but she refused to say. After much arranging, cancelling and rearranging I finally found an evening that suited her and I just cancelled my plans and set off on a 45 min bus trek with just a torn piece of paper containing her address and directions, 'get off the bus, walk a bit, go around the corner and it's opposite the fish shop'. Needless to say I saw no fish shop and had to ask for directions (least I'm not a male!)
Knock knock, come in, take a seat. (Btw I whenever I hear that I always want to respond by asking where they want me to take it to but I held my tongue and behaved!)
Shad: I want you to make a brocha in my house, can I get you something to eat and drink?
Me: (I'd love some fried fish and fries and a chocolate milkshake, oh and put vanilla ice-cream in the shake - it adds to the flavour...Ok, JK ) No it's ok I am fine thank you (me blushing politely)
Shad: I insist (she is still sitting and the table is still empty) I always say one must make a brocha in my house.
Me: Ok, a glass of water would be fine
Shad: Why do you want water?
Me: (I want to put out the fire) I like it
Shad: But I only have soda water, you must drink that.
Me: Uh, I dont really like it, tap water is fine
Shad: What you don't like it? Who doesn't like it? Are you going to tell everyone I gave you tap water? It's only that I have run out of bottled water.
Me: Tap water is really fine thank you.
Fusses around brings water...brocha...says amen
Shad: Ok I like to begin with finding out the basic info. Name....Age...Address
Me: Name ...Age... Address
Shad: Oh but don't you live in xyz?
Shad: Ah, but you don't live with your parents?
Me: I do
Shad: Even at your age?
Me: Yes, why not?
Shad: Oh, Ok, parents names..sibling...machatonim...chassidus...schools...shul daven....father's parnosah
Me:....and said father's parnossah
Shad: Oh but doesn't he do xyz?
Me: No, he never did. Really though, how did you get my name and info (she had said on the phone that she knew ALL about me but everything I said was either new or contrary to what she had somehow heard)?
Shad: I can't tell you but tell me, do you always wear your hair this length? You don't ever wear ot shorter do you? (Horror in the voice)
Me: It's usually about this length.
Shad: Would you consider growing it longer?
Me: Well this length kind of suits me and I would not wear a long sheital.
Shad: Oh phew so you do intend to cover after you get married.
Me: Er, sorry, do you mean with a hat - no, I wouldn't not. (We had been speaking about Chassidish levush earlier so wasn't sure what she thought)
Shad: So how much hair would you have sticking out
Shad: Ah so you will wear a shaitel
Me: (Very confused - hadn't I said it earlier)
25 more min of irrelevant questions
Shad: Ok so here are some suggestions I think are suitable, can I arrange for you to go out tomorrow?
Me: Sorry but these names are not really suitable and they have been suggested
Shad: How about this - produces new name and gives me a summery.
Me: Ok, can I take the details and speak to my parents?
Shad: You ask your parents at your age?
Me: Yes, they are still my parents and deserve basic respect and in addition in my circle it goes through the parents.
Shad: But you are already --?
Me: Yes but I would still not consider dating without informing my parents.
Shad: Ok I will speak to your parents directly but personally I think that you are too proper for any American boy.
Me: (should I have apologized?) Thank you very much
On way out...
Shad: Do people in (where I live) all wear shoes like that?
Me: We each tend to wear what is most comfortable for us
Shad: Ok, I will call your parents, it was so nice to meet you but I must tell you I am very busy.
Needless to say...she never called!