Thursday, 5 November 2009

What friends put up with

Those of us who have been in the saga called shidduchim for a large number of years are probably almost desensitized to the comments and opinions made by others, from the 7 year old neighbor who thought he was being charmingly cute to Mrs Must-Wear-Black-&-I-Love-Gossip from down the block to the loud, supposedly caring, opinionated great-aunt, may she live to be 120 but not in my hearing. But we lot, who are still single, are a hardy bunch and have learnt to let what they say slip right off us, in some ways we may have even grown accustomed to them.

Today, I experienced a shift, any sympathy I had for myself has taken a short journey to my good friend. The poor woman has had to put up with enough. Besides for the constant questions she has to answer about me (none productive) she has now had to start giving judgment on why she, as I married woman with kids is friends with a 'single'. She has been asked, why she has chosen to be friends with me, what it is like being friends with a 'single', whether there are lots of uncomfortable moments, why I am not just friends with other singles, why she complicates her life by being so friendly with me, whether it is appropriate to invite me to a Sheva Brochos she is making, how she finds things to say to me...and some more!

I tell ya, the woman is a saint, I'd have long told all those people of go take a hike!

6 comments:

halfshared said...

Whoa, I don't know what it's like in the UK, but oh my gosh, do people really say that? I'm totally floored by those comments. Anyone that can question your friend for not dropping you just as soon as her status changed to one that is (temporarily) different than yours, is the one with a big, big problem. Thank G-d there are some sane people out there, namely your "poor" friend.
But yeah, shout out to all the good married friends! They do exist.

Freeda said...

WOW, that's beyond nuts!!!!
Some people are thoughtless and some are way past that mark....
Oh, and welcome back. Been waiting for ur return... :)

Anonymous said...

Silly, but not surprising...a couple of years ago, when my engaged friend was giving names of invitees for one of her sheva brachos, the hostess asked her if she was sure that she wanted two of her single friends there. Didn't she have married friends to invite, instead?
She responded, "They're my friends! Of course I want them there."

Now,that ended up being a horrible experience for me, one whose memory still makes me cringe, but it wasn't her fault. (It was the fault of one of the other guests--who decided she needed to make loud comments/suggestions about my dating situation so everybody in the room could hear. And when I didn't respond, said even louder, "I'm just trying to help you!!!")

Floating Reflections said...

HS: I wasn't friendly with her as a girl so it's not like she could've 'dropped' me. From my experience people are more accepting when the friendship has been going on since both were girls. But 100% one up for decent married friends :)

Freeda: Ty. It felt nuts but at the same time good too - obviously she thinks I'm worth fighting others over ;)

Anon: Sounds like a horror story :(. I hope that you only have good experiences from now on. Also see what I wrote to HS - her previous friends didn't 'expect' her to become friends with a single girl she previously had nothing to do with.

SIS said...

Is this for real? People really can be unbelievably unbelievable. Good reminder of how much we need to appreciate our references...

Floating Reflections said...

SIS: Sadly very real. You are right, we do have to really appreciate those who stick with us and keep us upright.